Love Shouldn’t Hurt: Navigating Valentine’s Day and IPV
Valentine’s Day is said to be a day of love, but for those impacted by intimate partner violence (IPV), Valentine’s Day can be difficult and even dangerous.
Heightened expectations, financial pressure, increased contact with abusive partners, or attempts to control under the guise of “romance” can all increase risk. For survivors, Valentine’s Day can bring fear, confusion, or painful reminders.
At Luke’s Place, we want to be clear: love should never hurt.
Healthy love does not involve fear, control, or harm. It does not require someone to sacrifice their safety, dignity, or autonomy. Everyone deserves relationships rooted in respect, consent, and care, not manipulation or violence.
Valentine’s Day can also bring up complicated emotions for survivors. There may be pressure to stay, to forgive, or to minimize harm because it’s “a day about love.” There may be grief for the relationship you hoped for, or shame for not feeling joyful when everyone else seems to be celebrating. These feelings are valid. Abuse is never your fault, and you are not alone.
Love can also look like showing up for someone who may be experiencing harm. Friends, neighbours, family members, and coworkers are often the first to notice when something isn’t right but may not know what to say or do. Our Supporting After Separation Toolkit offers practical, trauma-informed guidance on recognizing signs of abuse, offering support, safety, and connecting someone to help without judgement or pressure.
If Valentine’s Day feels hard this year, it’s okay to prioritize yourself. That might mean setting boundaries, reaching out for support, or simply allowing yourself space to get through the day. Love can also look like self-compassion, community, and safety.
If you or someone you know is experiencing intimate partner violence, support is available. Luke’s Place provides legal information, education, and advocacy to help survivors navigate their options and reclaim a sense of safety.
This Valentine’s Day, we want to remind survivors that love shouldn’t hurt. Everyone deserves peace and is worthy of safe and healthy intimate relationships.
If you or someone you know has been subjected to intimate partner violence, help and support is available:
- Luke’s Place resources and support: LukesPlace.ca/resources
- Ontario Assaulted Women’s Helpline: 1-866-863-0511